Very good thoughts and suggestions! As a full-tim...

2009-10-22T06:04:50.861-07:00

Very good thoughts and suggestions!

As a full-time grief counselor, may I add a couple of things that I find helpful in working with people who have lost a loved one? One is to give voice to the things people don't always know, or can't always admit, they are feeling. If I'm sensing something people are not saying, I will ask questions like, are you angry at your husband for dying and leaving you? or, are you relieved that this is all over? If they say no, I move on; if they say yes, they are usually relieved and glad to know that someone understands even the "bad" feelings. (Which brings up another point: there is no place for judgment here!)

Second thing is to let people know that the things they are feeling are things normal people feel in similar situations. 85% of what I do is educate people about grief, and let them know that what they are feeling is typical of what people feel when they are grieving. Grief is a huge shock to the system, and people experience all kinds of things -- not just tears, but anger, restlessness, panic, confusion and even physical symptoms. When I say, grief feels like that, it helps.

And I'd like to underscore your point about listening. Truly and deeply listening to someone is so rare and so huge! Sometimes all we can do is be willing to be an engaged witness to what people are going through and feeling, and often that is enough. It's more than just "you are not alone in this." Even just acknowledging for people the magnitude of what they are going through: no, you are not a wimp, this circumstance is really overwhelming!, can make a huge difference.

Comments on Todd's Blog: Strength in Jesus

Very good thoughts and suggestions! As a full-tim...