Tough Questions, Tender Answers

When people ask tough questions, giving honest, thoughtful answers can be a bit challenging. I’ve found that trying to feel what people feel (Rom. 12:15) is a great place to start. That helps me say stuff that's really helpful, instead of just saying the “right” thing (which is usually the last thing people really need to hear).

Below is an email interchange I had awhile back with someone who was asking some tough questions. I hope that catching the feel & flavor of my responses will help you in your interactions with hurting folks…

Dear Sir,

You said this weekend that God heals the broken hearted. Well, how’s He going to do that if...

I'm lost. I don't believe I've lost my salvation, but I have lost track of it. I don't know how much I have ever been 'on track' with God and salvation and all that. I know I'm starving for something, but I find it so hard to eat and digest what is spiritually nourishing. I find myself eating with great resistance. I want to be fed, but I fear it, too. I fear God, His people, failure, rejection and loss... These have been my experiences with God and His people in the past. Yet, it seems, I am constantly drawn back, like a wife who is beaten by her husband I keep hoping maybe this time will be different.

I am about the farthest thing from being a saint as a person can get, but I want something. I have great internal turmoil over just going to church. I want it, but it is sooo hard for me to be there, I feel so out of place. As if I don't belong. I have been removed from my "church family’ in the past for having [description of what happened]. I have not been too keen on returning to church, but something draws me to it.

I want to know more, it is going to take a lot to change me, I don’t know where to start and I don't want to start something if it can't be finished.

Any suggestions?

And my reply:

Hi there-
I think I can relate with some of how you’re feeling. When I first started coming to the The Coastlands in 1998 I was very hurt from previous experiences, too. I’m so sorry… I am definitely praying for you.

I know that the God you fear is not who God really is. Things have been said and done to you in His name that have misrepresented Him. He is a healer, restorer, and encourager. Think about the big picture of what He’s done -- He made you because He loves you. When you walked away from His love (as each of us has – whether consciously or unconsciously), He died to pay the price so that your relationship with Him could be restored. He exerts all His power and influence in a desperate effort to rescue us from the things that are hurting us. That’s the reason you can’t seem to finally turn away from Him – because He’s drawing you with an irresistibly powerful force (His love).

How very like the Devil, who is the father of all lies, to hurt you and then point the finger at God. It’s the oldest trick in the book… but nevertheless incredibly painful and confusing. Here’s God’s promise to you, “A bruised reed He will not break and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish; He will faithfully bring forth justice” (Isaiah 42:3). Life has been very unfair toward you… but He’s going to heal you and turn all your pain into rejoicing.

My encouragement to you is to simply give God a chance to prove to you who He really is. Don’t worry that you feel lost. You’re not lost to Him. He’s already speaking to you and hasn’t let you go.

Warmly,
Todd

In a subsequent email, I helped this person get in contact with one of our ICU leaders who has helped walk them through a wonderfully life-transforming process. This person is happily serving God as part of our church family today. In fact, here's a quote from the email they sent me when I asked if I could use a snippet from our email interaction in this blog entry:

I am discovering how much I do trust Jesus and for the first time in my life I am not afraid of Him... I am grateful for the opportunity that has been placed before me at this time to truly know the deepest desires of my heart; which is to love Jesus
all the days of my life. I feel as if I have been released into a freedom I have never felt before.